My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped