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omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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