mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.