I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
