she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I would fuck him just for his dog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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