Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.