The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married