we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sext me about skeletons
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
