a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
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I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog