im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.