I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.