I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.