Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
time to smoke my breakfast
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?