so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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