Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
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yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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