I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
