my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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