Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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