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we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome