And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.