i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.