last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.