i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
