Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
