you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
