She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
