He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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