I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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