May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They are going to name an STD after you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
