You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just cropdusted the office
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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