okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
