I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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