i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
