My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want to make out with him forever
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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