so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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