Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
