Everything about him screamed your future.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
