I could make wine with my vomit
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
