i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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