OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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