explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
