I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
