My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry about my life...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
