actually, I'm a sock model
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
two words: eviction party
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
