i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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