she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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