What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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