You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
