sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
