i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
