Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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