so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
