Only a mothe r could love this liver
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
