The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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