Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
