i permit you to call me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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