Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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