Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
