Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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