Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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