just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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