that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
