apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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