8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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