I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I didn't notice because vodka
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
