she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
