Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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