I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
