Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
