If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no you cant smoke seaweed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
