Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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