I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
