I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
