the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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