I need help removing her.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
