After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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