I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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