That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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