I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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