Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
