I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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