If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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