brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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