last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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