if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
