i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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