i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize