You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
