I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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