There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dating After Heartbreak
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?