There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.