you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
