I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
