Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
