This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
