this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
