Are we in a gay sports bar?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
