then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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