I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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