So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize