If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
